Diary of a Dead Man (Second entry)

Have you ever done something stupid? In hope that somehow, some miracle will occur to make everything work out with some greater good? No? Have you ever wanted to?

Course you have…..who hasn’t?

People lose their mind advertising how to live your life better through self help books galore, how to rise out of the discarded ashes of the fallen and become ‘someone’. A ‘someone’ always void of title, rank, or importance in the all knowing passages of the text, yet somehow better your current existence. Hell…if one person died for every time someone initiated the famous “what if?” question….how many humans would be left?

Or perhaps a better question….would ‘you’ be left?

I jest of course as the Cheshire grin that sits upon my face gives me away. We do not live in a world where that much blood falls to the ground at the hands of malice and fear… perhaps that’s a shame…. Who knows? That’s just one more “What if?” to add to the pile, one more body to add to our metaphysical scenario…

Is this a dark train of thought? Yes, but no darker than the deep…empty…soulless corridors that lie scattered throughout the tiny marble of a planet we live on. The simple fact is…this isn’t a fairy tale. There is no “happily ever after” at the end of this tome, less we forge it with the sweat of our own hands. That is the cold truth….and it’s amazing what people will do to insure that.

Convocates backstab entire empires for a chance at swimming in their wallets, Husbands and wives alike cast their spouse’s heart upon streets galore for just one night in the bitter sweet arms of lust, and though a zealot can preach to the sky on the value of their soul…so many end up selling them…

In the book Leviathan…It speaks that ‘Mankind is naturally evil’. Despite the fact that I always found a book named after a mythical embodiment of chaos calling my race such a degrading term incredibly ironic, the piece holds much truth in its words. This is in fact true enough, that people often find themselves trapped in a corner with two options that define truly what a person really is. Those being to either avoid the sins of the world and leave the societal definition of success with them….or to sell out, and cast your morals aside with no heed to judgment or honor.

It is for that reason that I can’t look at the truckloads of self help novel’s that litter ever shelf in every library on Azeroth without a slight chuckle coming to my lips. There is no “how to” guide to life…Because no one is good at it. In this world, be it the hand of Gods or a simple roll of dice, there is only that decision.

It’s a hard choice…the important ones usually are….

But what if we could narrow down that choice? Or rather, What if we could invert it entirely? The choices I set were to either be a societal outcast with a soul or a moral-less ghost that finds itself ascetically pleasing to the world in which it resides. However, what if you had the choice to be one of the fallen, yet find yourself shunned by your kin. What would you be? A fool? A person desperately trying to earn back something long lost? Both?

It’s funny because the thought immediately brings distaste to one’s pallet. Why would you sell your soul in the first place if you wanted nothing more than to win it back? The thought seems ridiculous doesn’t it? Yet deep in your mind, it holds a slight bit of renaissance to it…a faint silver lining if you will…

Don’t agree with me? Well then allow me to narrow my ‘decision’ that much further. How about Murder? Oh that changes everything….doesn’t it? Immediately a murder is looked down as a psychopath not the moment the act is carried out but rather the very thought of it. It’s looked at to be alien…distant….evil by the whole of society. Yet, it’s romanticized in books, and tales galore.

Why?

Because deep in all of our heads we find no justice in the fact that a killer is cast down as an insane criminal, yet an adulteress is allowed to roam the streets… Further more, it’s often the adulteress that finds themselves in the killer’s sights… Thus…A wrong is righted with another wrong…a double negative if you will…simple mathematics…

Humans are so inconsistent that way…

Do I fall into the second of my two decisions? Yes… But I am no filthier than a man that leaves his wife for a fantasy or an employer that sells his workers in order to fatten his own wallet. The fallen are equal in the eyes of gods, and because of that I find that my humble grain of sand is no different than any of the others in this barren desert of wrath and gluttony.

I am nothing to be romanticized over nor am I anything to dismiss…